The Expensive Life of a Zirconian

Life on Zircon, let me tell you, is quite different from life on Earth. The primary reason? Everything is really expensive. With all the super excellent technologies we have, there's so much more to buy. Which means we have to spend more money, which means we have to earn more money, which means we have to charge more money. And so the cycle continues.

Training to be in the Zirconian Navy doesn't make things easier, either. There are so many expenses, and even though I'm in here on a big scholarship, I still have to pay for space chess sets, plasma computers, faster-than-light communication pods, among other things.

It's tough.

I suppose you could say that I don't need those things, that they're merely luxuries. However, I disagree entirely. Perhaps you Earthlings can get along just fine without them, but it's different on Zircon. Space Chess is the sport that defines our entire society, and if I'm going to be an admiral, I'd better be a strategic mastermind. Plasma computers are absolutely necessary to complete homework on time; since most Zirconian kids, at least those that attend the academy, have them, teachers expect everyone to have that luxury. As for faster-than-light communication pods, they're the only way to communicate with people on other planets, something you Earthlings don't have to worry about.

So, being the Zirconian that I am, I decided that it would be necessary to procure some funds for myself. I've thought about various ways of doing it, and most of them turned out to be failures or so ridiculous that I didn't even bother.

The first method I tried was space freighting. You know, shipping freight from one planet to another? It's a big industry in Andromeda, an irreplaceable one, and I wanted in. I grabbed as many Zirconian bills as I could find, and went to find out how much it would take to purchase stock in Zircon Freight; the biggest shipper in the area. It cost about 47 pawns; that's about $1592037.48 in American money. Obviously, I could only find around 38 pawns, so no stock for me.

Next I tried plasma imaging. It's relatively simple, just take large sections of quantitative data and then insert them into a large Microspace Excel file and produce a plasma graph. How does this make money? I haven't the slightest idea, but I read it in a book somewhere that people pay for this, so I figured I could use it to get some cash. Unfortunately, my plasma computer was too obsolete for the task; I needed the money from this to buy a better one.

Then I tried a lemonade stand.

After repeated failures, I was just about to give up, when a glorious solution rose over the horizon: x=5soc37. (soc is reverse cosine, an important anticaluclus function). After completing my anticalculus homework, I realized that if Andromeda could not produce the funds I needed, maybe Earth could. So, I went to this blog, signed up for Google AdSense, and put ads on the blog. I figure that can help pay for my plasma computer. Or that new space chess set. Either way, I thank Google for being so helpful, when nothing else would work. See y'all later!